Normally, I don’t set New Years’ resolutions (and normally I don’t even talk about them in mid-December, but here I go anyway.) My resolutions never seem to last longer than a few weeks, and then I’m left with the disappointment of failing, yet again, at my resolution.
But last year, my yoga studio – Breathing Room, the best in Red Deer – gave us a chance to buy Christmas tree ornaments, upon which we could write our intentions for the year, with the proceeds going to a local charity.
And I found that worked for me. When I fell back into old thought patterns or habits, I would remind myself of my intentions and halt the old patterns or habits in their tracks.
So I was excited when I saw Breathing Room’s announcement that the intention balls would be back for another year. Today, I purchased four and wrote my intentions for the coming year on them. (And, in the spirit of creating a sankalpa – a vow that guides our choices – I wrote my intentions in the present tense.)
I am healthy
I remember a time in my early adulthood when I was healthy. Sure, I was thin, but more than that, I was active, and I was putting the right foods in my body. And I was happy. To me, healthiness and happiness are inextricably linked; until I’m healthy, I won’t be happy. (Literally – my mood is the shits when I eat junk food and laze around the house.)
In 2014, I am the healthiest version of myself, no matter the number on the scale.
I am grateful
I’ve spent much of my life chasing ‘things’ – the perfect man, the perfect body, the perfect friends, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect me. And because perfection is impossible, I’m never satisfied with what I have. I don’t appreciate much in my life because much in my life is flawed. How miserable.
In 2014, I am grateful for everything – the good and the bad, the perfect and the imperfect.
I am growing
Remember when I mentioned that whole perfection thing? Well, it plays a part here too. I’m afraid to grow – to try new things, to receive feedback, to put myself out there – because I’m afraid it proves I’m not perfect. (Obviously, I’m not. I know that. But my ego doesn’t.) I don’t want to fail, so I don’t try to grow.
In 2014, I am growing and embracing failure as part of the learning process.
I am fearless
Really, it all comes down to fear.
I wear this layer of fat because I’m afraid that, if I lose it, I won’t have an excuse for my failures anymore.
I constantly seek new (read: better) things because I’m afraid that, if I can’t keep up with my peers, I won’t fit into the idea of an idyllic life.
I talk myself out of new experiences because I’m afraid that, if I try, I won’t succeed, and I’ll look foolish.
Fear has controlled my life for as long as I remember. How many things have I let my fear take from me? How many times have I listened to that little voice that whispers I’m not worthy? How many opportunities have slipped by me because I was too afraid to chase them?
Too many. And I’m a bit tired of it all.
So in 2014, I am fearless. Period. End of story.
I’ll be working on a plan of action to keep these intentions top of mind in the new year. Tell me, friends, what are your intentions for 2014? And what can I do over the next few weeks to prepare to achieve my intentions for 2014?